I have a feeling that the more i live in this country, the weaker im getting. The worst thing is when this hypocritical society discover your fears which makes a person even more vulnerable. And these moments i hate everyone, but most of all i hate myself for being sentimentally weak…

After the recent events in Belarus http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2011/04/11/minsk-subway-explosion.html?ref=rss , i have been hit by the endless desire to abandon everything and fly to another country, far away from where i am now. Rent a small cozy apartment, take a camera and have a stroll, making pictures of houses, roads. And then when another morning arrives in this city (town) move to a new place. After a while find new friends, and find a new hobby. Driving, start learning. When i am thinking about these, i am feeling freedom and such a solid sense of confidence. It feels like you can do anything in this world, that there is nothing preventing you from becoming the person you have been wanting to become all your life. You finally are ready to realise that you are beautiful and talented, and not just for yourself and your own mirror, but all the rest of the world, they will totally notice that and you will be praised. And all your worries will be left behind the front door of your place of residence, and turned to be insignificant… This moment, this very second, it seems that this new life is awaiting me around the corner, and that everything that has been before, absolutely irrelevant to the new beginning. But on returning home, after a while, time and the web of routine will eat you by its indifference. The buried fears will get a new breath and only the remnants of recent runaway trip will remain on your wall framed in the beautifully warm memories…

I realise that the country i live at makes people do what they (officials) have the benefits from. It makes us be the same. An individual is caged and his nature is worthless. And the majority of people don’t even have a clue about their uniqueness, simply living this life of an average person never stepping aside..

Or those who tried normally end up with drinking on a daily basis not being understood by the society…

I don’t want to think about it, too much of injustice… I just hate this country for it is letting me be weak, for it is making me not trust people, for it is not  allowing me be myself…


I have two clocks here. And they have nothing to do with my protest to implement the DLS into my life or my lazineness. But it’s all because of (thanks to) one person who lives far away form here, these thousand miles and also have two clocks in his place. I am in love. I am in love with the city that never bores me, the city that always surprises me, the ‘HIS city’! Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you, Vancouver! Do you know what is Vancouver? Oh, you do!? Well, do you know what is Vancouver to me? Let me tell you.

Vancouver is not just one stunning Canadian city (all of you, Canada, is stunning), but it is the mystery piquing the imagination, it is the amazing corner of the world where my fantasies are free and i am enjoying the liberation of feelings and thoughts. It is the music, coming from the bars, it is a fairy-tale journey infested with the laughter, courage and novelty.

Vancouver is the place where my favourite street is. It is unusual coincidences, it is cocktailS (for me) and  beer (for him), until the sunset bursts into our windows. It is long night talks about childhood and life in general. It is being lazy with the ‘whatever’ sign on the front door. It is the small pebbles or souvenir pennies from the Olympic Games throwing in the water. It is sun dresses, comfortable shoes, sunglasses lemonade and him talking about BBQ (or boasting, but it is not the point in this post). It is a night kiss, night kisses, niiiiggghhhttt kiiisssseeesss… and all the rest. It is a fresh breeze, that makes you hair happy and takes you to the word that exists in your imagination. It is when you listen to someone and you hear them, when you catch the meaning at once, from the quick glance to his brown eyes, or sometimes you take the hint even without looking. It is when emotions are overwhelming, it is when you are thinking and thinking hard… It is when you cry the happy tears. It is when you love and realize no matter how much time has passed from the first time you met each other, you are not a habit, you are real. It is forever to say the least. Nothing bothers you when you believe that here it is  – something that worth living, to the fullest, appreciating, with no regrets.

It is not an advertising campaign on behalf of one passionate traveller. It is my dream, the place that is calling me, and i am letting myself be a bit emotional on the grey Spring morning (only in these circumstances trust me)

p.s.  when you ever meet me in person, and i will be accompanied by a tall strong man wearing leather jacket and Diesel jeans, drinking his Tim Hortons black coffee, never mention ‘ah right, this is the man from that sappy post on your blog!’. He will discover one day eventually.



Hello World! Today is Wednesday. Who said that the new life, new projects, new something should absolutely start on Monday? I woke up today and the first thought on my mind was (quoting) ” Wednesday Bliss aka a day off’ instead of my normal “(censored) …this Life”. I started to move slowly around the place, which looked so endlessly new today (maybe because it is the first day i have been awaken by the spring sun and now my alarm clock). Then I made a coffee and put off the breakfast till perhaps lunch time. I may not end up cooking something awesome because I am not that awesome, I mean I do cook, but I CAN’T COOK PROPERLY IN THE MORNINGS.  Not that I am proud of such talent of mine, but my conscience has been turned off for quite a time.

Later I found myself being busy with very urgent tasks: looking outside the window, chatting on the phone with every colleague of mine who happened to be less lucky and were enjoying the working Wednesday. Oh and I have a new curtain and now I will be hiding my shiny apartment from the grey gloomy high-rise building next to mine.

Oh, I am new to the bogging world. But I am not the freshman in the land of writing.  Normally I am a real chatter-box. I love different discussions and talks about ‘nothing-in-particular’. Therefore there is no surprise I have got this autobiographical itching and I dared to address to the Internetsphere on my own behalf. I was really lucky to have found some passionate readers already and now I decided to try my luck once again (somehow it has always been not the easiest thing for me). Perhaps there are some people who will understand me even more then the high school friends who loved giving tips about dating the right boys and exchanging bubble gums. I am also ready to pour down some gelid confessions from the bottom of my soul, and I hope these thoughts won’t get lost on the way to the ‘post’ button (which usually happens). I may not (yet) have my own style of writing and my imagination sometimes resembles the foggy mirror from your bathroom. But I definitely have something…

So new blog, new curtain, new attitude to Wednesdays and my temporal absence of cooking-in-the-morning skills!