I have a feeling that the more i live in this country, the weaker im getting. The worst thing is when this hypocritical society discover your fears which makes a person even more vulnerable. And these moments i hate everyone, but most of all i hate myself for being sentimentally weak…

After the recent events in Belarus http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2011/04/11/minsk-subway-explosion.html?ref=rss , i have been hit by the endless desire to abandon everything and fly to another country, far away from where i am now. Rent a small cozy apartment, take a camera and have a stroll, making pictures of houses, roads. And then when another morning arrives in this city (town) move to a new place. After a while find new friends, and find a new hobby. Driving, start learning. When i am thinking about these, i am feeling freedom and such a solid sense of confidence. It feels like you can do anything in this world, that there is nothing preventing you from becoming the person you have been wanting to become all your life. You finally are ready to realise that you are beautiful and talented, and not just for yourself and your own mirror, but all the rest of the world, they will totally notice that and you will be praised. And all your worries will be left behind the front door of your place of residence, and turned to be insignificant… This moment, this very second, it seems that this new life is awaiting me around the corner, and that everything that has been before, absolutely irrelevant to the new beginning. But on returning home, after a while, time and the web of routine will eat you by its indifference. The buried fears will get a new breath and only the remnants of recent runaway trip will remain on your wall framed in the beautifully warm memories…

I realise that the country i live at makes people do what they (officials) have the benefits from. It makes us be the same. An individual is caged and his nature is worthless. And the majority of people don’t even have a clue about their uniqueness, simply living this life of an average person never stepping aside..

Or those who tried normally end up with drinking on a daily basis not being understood by the society…

I don’t want to think about it, too much of injustice… I just hate this country for it is letting me be weak, for it is making me not trust people, for it is not  allowing me be myself…


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